The Mental Health Stigma

“It’s not weak to speak.”

There’s something we don’t talk about enough: the quiet suffering many parents carry behind the smiles, the school runs, the work meetings, the bedtime routines. This burden only intensifies when you’re a single parent. Depression is real. It doesn’t always look how we expect. Too often, it hides behind anger, anxiety, withdrawal, frustration, fear, or numbness. When you bottle it up, pretending everything’s fine, eventually it demands space. And it often spills out in ways you didn’t anticipate.

I’ve lived this. I know what it’s like to hold it in, believing that showing pain or fear means you’re failing, failing as a man, failing as a father. But here’s something I want you to know: strength is not silence. Strength is honesty. Strength is telling someone, “I’m not okay right now.” Strength is asking for help. Struggling doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.

My Journey

There were dark seasons when I felt ashamed for feeling low. I spiraled in shame because I believed I had to be “strong” all the time. I thought vulnerability was a flaw. But I learned this: shame compounds the pain. You don’t have to fight that battle alone.

Help is Out There

Support isn’t optional — it’s essential. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel. Here are organizations that serve as lifelines:

U.S. National Resources

• HeadsUpGuys — a men’s depression support site for U.S. & international audiences. Men’s Mental Health and Suicide Prevention | HeadsUpGuys
• BetterHelp — one of the large online therapy platforms (check for therapists licensed in your state). BetterHelp | Professional Therapy With A Licensed Therapist
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) — dial 988 for immediate support. 988 Lifeline – If you need emotional support, reach out to the national mental health hotline: 988.

U.K. Resources

• Mind (UK) — provides advocacy, information, and support for people with mental health problems. Parenting and mental health
• YoungMinds (UK Parents Helpline) — supports parents/carers of young people experiencing mental health challenges. Parents Mental Health Support | Advice for Your Child | YoungMinds
• Our Time (UK) — supports children of parents with mental illness, with workshops and family-centered services. https://ourtimecharity.org.uk/about-us/

Local Kane County Resources

• Kane County Behavioral Health Council — working to improve mental health services locally. Kane County Behavioral Health Council
• Ecker Center: Behavioral Health Services (Kane County, IL) — offers mental health and substance use services locally. https://www.eckercenter.org/
• Kane County Mobile Crisis Response Team — call 988 or (630) 966-4357 to engage crisis services locally. Kane County Connects
• Benchmark: Kane County Health Dept. Behavioral Health 360 — a self-help and resource portal for residents. kanecountyconnects.com

These aren’t just websites, they’re potential lifelines. If talking to someone close feels too hard, reach out to one of these. Call a helpline, start therapy, join a support group — the beginning is what matters.

Connection is Healing

When you feel like you want to withdraw, resist it. Let people in. Even if only one or two people, let them see the real you. Ask for support. If you don’t have someone you trust right now, begin with a stranger trained to listen without judgment: a therapist, coach, or support group.

Rewire the Feed

We often forget: what we consume affects what we believe and how we feel. Surround yourself with life-giving content.

• Follow accounts that inspire, uplift, and normalize the broken, messy parts of life.
• Replace doom-scrolling with creativity: read fiction, watch art, listen to music or podcasts that open space in your mind.
• Studies show creativity and artistic expression can help the brain shift toward hope and healing.

Get a Hobby. Seriously.

Do something that rejuvenates you, just for the sake of doing it. Not for productivity or outcome, for joy.
Bake. Paint. Shoot photos. Garden. Calm your mind by building something.
For me, cooking, baking, and kicking a soccer ball around have been my anchors.

Let’s Talk

You don’t have to walk this alone. If you’re a parent struggling with your mental health, chances are you’re not alone — many more of us are carrying hidden weight. Maybe it’s time to build a community. A space for honesty, for drawing strength from each other.

You don’t need to fix it all in one day. You don’t need to have every answer right now. But you can take one next step, however small: speak. share. reach. create space. You are not broken. You’re a human being doing your best. That’s not failure — that’s courage.

Wherever you are in your co-parenting journey, regardless of the past, we can help you as you move towards a brighter co-parenting future.